do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
