My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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