saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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