I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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