Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
