I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
