HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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