Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
