i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
