All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
