Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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