I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
