Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
