I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
