She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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