so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
