I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
