saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
