I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
