Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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