Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
