yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
