Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
