Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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