I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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