Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
