Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
