I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
