I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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