where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
