she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
