i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
