That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
