you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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