nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
