I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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