where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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