I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
