I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
