Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
