you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
