Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
