YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
