I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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