My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
