Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
