How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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