I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
