He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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