oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
