party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
