Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
