you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
