Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
