Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
